


You Were A Habit I Had To Forget

by springsunset



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-04 17:11:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12775617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/springsunset/pseuds/springsunset
Summary: Wonwoo still loved Mingyu, two years after they fell apart. They meet again, and every memory -- every glance, every touch, every kiss -- returned to Wonwoo. For him, Mingyu was both the best love of his life and a habit he had to forget.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by Seventeen's Habit. Perhaps the best way to experience this fic is to read it while listening to Habit on loop. :')

“Hey, Wonwoo. It’s 10 o’clock. Get the fuck up.”

Wonwoo slowly opened his eyes and stared at his red-haired roommate. Thirty seconds passed and the younger boy only blinked his eyes and didn’t utter a word. Soonyoung sat on Wonwoo’s bed and poked his tummy. “You know, you have to have a life. It’s been two years and you’re still like this. You’re my best friend and I care for you, but this is just--” 

“Yeah, okay, whatever. I’m up.” Wonwoo tried to smile, but Soonyoung knew he was just doing this to appease him. Soonyoung then reached to touch his roommate’s shoulder and led him to the kitchen. They ate their breakfast pancakes in silence; Soonyoung was preoccupied with his phone and giggled by himself every two minutes, while Wonwoo was staring at the window. It was sunny outside, but Wonwoo intuitively knew it was going to rain later that day.

“Oh, right. You haven’t forgotten about next week, right?”

Wonwoo stared at Soonyoung again. He wanted to ask him what is was about, except that his mouth was still full of pancakes. His memory was a haze and he was still half-awake. Soonyoung sighed in disbelief. “It’s my boyfriend’s birthday next week and I’m thinking of throwing him a party. You’ve met Jihoon, right?”

The familiar image of the small guy with small eyes flashed in Wonwoo’s mind. “Yeah, I remember him. Okay, I’ll go.”

“Okay! Don’t break your promise. At our favorite bar, 7:00 p.m., next Saturday,” Soonyoung gazed at him intently, making Wonwoo nod slowly. “Anyway, I have a date so I have to go first. I’ll bring you kimbap when I get home.” 

Wonwoo laughed. “You’re so in love, you make me sick.”

Soonyoung laughed loudly. “You should start dating again, Jeon Wonwoo. I swear. You’re missing out on the world, and the world’s missing out on you.” Soonyoung then glanced again at his roommate’s face. The traces of what might have been a smile disappeared from Wonwoo's face; he looked like he was going to cry. Soonyoung has always been around Wonwoo ever since _that day_ ; he has seen Wonwoo at his most vulnerable, he has witnessed how Wonwoo, the boy with the coldest gaze, cried his eyes out when he realized _it_ was over. Soonyoung saw it all, and he never wanted anything more for his best friend than to forget the pain and move on.

“You deserve to be happy, Wonwoo.”

“Yeah, I do,” he said without looking at his roommate.

“I’ll be going now. Don’t forget to take a bath!” Soonyoung then went to the door and closed it gently.

 

\---

 

Wonwoo took a can of beer from their tiny refrigerator. There wasn’t much inside it, just a few bottles of beer, milk, kimchi, and leftover food. He sat on the sofa and turned on the television; _that person_ was going to appear on TV for the first time. Wonwoo told himself this wouldn’t be good for him if he wanted to heal himself, but he can’t stop it. He thought it was the only way he could see Kim Mingyu, to feel him even though the other person didn’t even know how he was doing.

He stared blankly at the screen, paying no attention to the plot of the story unfolding in front of him, passively scanning the faces of these familiar celebrities whose names were unknown to him. A part of him wanted to turn the television off; what would he do when Mingyu appears? It will hurt, for sure. That was what he felt all this time.

A few minutes later and he saw that overly familiar face. Every part of Wonwoo’s body felt a spark when he saw the boy he had been waiting for; his chest felt a pang as Wonwoo saw his dark hair, his golden skin, his mischievous eyes, his soft lips. His breathing got heavier, his pupils dilated, he felt goosebumps. It was Kim Mingyu; he was even more attractive than when he saw him last, but he was still Mingyu. The male on television was striking, charismatic; his acting skills improved drastically compared to the time when he was still trying to navigate his way into stardom. 

Wonwoo’s hands began to shake. It’s been two years since he last saw Mingyu, but it seemed just like yesterday when they decided to stop seeing each other. He resolved quickly to turn off the television. His trembling began to stop and his breathing improved. He then went over towards the balcony to light a cigarette. _Kim Mingyu._ He finished his cigarette in under five minutes, crushing its butt on the ashtray that Soonyoung brought for him. _I’m still so fucking in love with you._

 

\---

 

Wonwoo remembered the first time he saw Mingyu. It was an uneventful day in March 2013; the academic year at their university had just begun, and Wonwoo was already dying with boredom. The film club’s president, Choi Seungcheol asked him to man the booth for the incoming freshmen. The new students weren’t paying much attention to the film club; a lot of them flocked to the sport-related clubs. Wonwoo had been manning the booth for three hours and only two freshmen -- who thought the film club was the drama club -- talked to him. He wanted to pack his bags and go home, but he didn’t want to anger Seungcheol. 

It was at this moment when a tall, dark-haired male clad in a blue jacket caught his attention. “Excuse me,” he said, “is this where I should sign up for the film club?” Wonwoo felt his heart jump. The boy was attractive; his eyes were striking and his voice was deep, but not as deep as Wonwoo’s. “Ah, yes. Just write your name and contact number here,” Wonwoo said as he gestured to the piece of paper laid on the table in front of him without taking his eyes off Mingyu. The other male then walked towards the table and bent his back to write his name on the sheet, inching closer towards Wonwoo’s face. Wonwoo was surprised; he felt his cheeks burn as he inhaled a hint of the younger guy’s perfume. _He smells nice_ . Wonwoo glanced on the sheet as Mingyu wrote details about himself. _Kim Mingyu. Film student._ He watched as the fading sunlight played against the younger male’s face, highlighting his prominent cheekbones. Wonwoo felt the corners of his lips rise. _Kim Mingyu. I’ll remember you_.

Mingyu began to pull away after filling up the sheet. “That’s all I have to do for now, right?”

“Yeah. Someone from the club will contact you next week.”

Mingyu nodded. An awkward silence passed by the two of them. Wonwoo wanted to say something, but he was too anxious. He was surprised when Mingyu was the first one to break the silence. “What’s your name, by the way?" 

Wonwoo smiled at the boy. “Jeon Wonwoo.”

  
“I’m Kim Mingyu,” he said as he offered his hand for a shake. Wonwoo slowly reached to his fingers and felt nothing but warmth and innocence from the guy in the blue jacket. _Kim Mingyu._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it look me SO LONG to update it. Uni really ate me inside out during the past few weeks. Anyway, this chapter is longer than the first one. Enjoy. :)

It was 5 o’clock in the afternoon in April, and the film club was supposed to have a meeting at one of the classrooms along the hall. Wonwoo arrived five minutes before the designated meeting time, unsurprised by the fact that he was the first to arrive at the classroom. He put his bag down, sat down on one of the chairs, and waited patiently for another soul to appear.

“Hey.” The voice was coming from the door. Wonwoo slowly turned his head around and saw the freshman he met a month ago. Kim Mingyu.

“Hey.”

Mingyu scanned the room for a second, then quickly focused his gaze on Wonwoo. The tall guy smiled, realizing that he was looking at a familiar face. “You’re the first one here?”

“Yeah. Everyone else will be arriving soon, no need to worry.”

Mingyu walked towards Wonwoo and sat on the chair beside him. Wonwoo felt his back tense up; he was actually hoping that he would be seeing Mingyu today. He wanted to talk to him, he wanted to get to know him. Now that the dark-haired boy was sitting less than a meter beside him, he found it difficult to utter a word. He kind of wished Mingyu would break the silence for him.

And he did.

“Wonwoo-hyung, right?”

"Yeah," Wonwoo said as he felt his back muscles relax. He silently released a sigh of relief.

“What year are you in?”

Now all Wonwoo had to do was to keep the conversation interesting. “I’m in my second year,” he said as he shifted in his seat to look at Mingyu. “I’m actually a broadcast communication major, but I wanted to learn photography and film so I applied for the film club last year.” Wonwoo put on a faint smile.

Mingyu’s eyes widened. “Cool! I like photography, too. Well, I believe personally experiencing something is still the most beautiful feeling in the world, but I like preserving the memory of that experience, of that moment, so that I could go back to that experience again, at least in my mind.”

“Same here. That’s why I like it.” Wonwoo glanced at Mingyu’s eyes. The other guy was looking so intently at him, he knew he had to utter more words. “I also have this...small dream of directing a film someday. It was just an idea that popped in my head last year. I haven’t thought of a story yet, but I want to make a film that highlights the beauty of the sunset. It’s my favorite time of the day.” Wonwoo then shifted his gaze to the window. It was still pretty early, but the sun was already showing signs that it was setting soon.

Mingyu nodded slowly. “Wow, you seem like a romantic. Call me up when you make your directorial debut. I kind of want to try acting, too. I don’t know if I’ll be great, but if I don’t try it, I’ll never know, right?”

Wonwoo had never felt this interested in a person before in his two years in college. He wanted to ask him what Mingyu’s other interests were, but before he could put his thoughts into words, a group of people appeared by the door, led by the film club president, Choi Seungcheol. The serene silence got shattered, and room became swarmed with people.

“Hey, kids,” Seungcheol said, grinning widely as he addressed the club. “So...I just have some matters to discuss. First and foremost, I’m suggesting that the our club hold a film exhibit in July, so that more people can become familiar with the film club. I want you guys to find a partner you know you’ll be comfortable working with.” With these words, Wonwoo glanced towards Mingyu’s direction briefly, surprised that the younger guy was also looking at him with a smirk on his face. Wonwoo blushed.

“Anyway,” Seungcheol continued, “The film doesn’t have to be long, but I want you to incorporate your individuality and feelings to it. Think of that film as your child.”

Everyone inside the classroom was enthusiastic about the idea, amid the jolly murmurs that began to populate the atmosphere. Wonwoo was pretty hyped about the project itself; he hadn’t had a chance to actually make a film, as he had always been assigned with post-production tasks.

“Okay, people. Tone it down now,” Seungcheol intercepted a few moments later. “As you all can see, there are some fresh faces in attendance with us today. They are the film club’s new members. I’ll let Soonyoung introduce them.”

A jolly boy wearing black sweatpants then took center stage. “Hi all, I’m Soonyoung. I’m the film club’s vice president for membership. Anyway, as Seungcheol-hyung said, we have some new members!” Soonyoung called them one by one and asked them to introduce themselves in the most unique way possible. Wonwoo listened and patiently waited for Mingyu’s turn to speak.

Finally, after six people with relatively uninteresting introductions, it was time. When Kim Mingyu stood up and walked near the front row, it was as if the air inside the room began to change. Everyone seemed mesmerized by his striking eyes and his tall and toned figure. Even Wonwoo himself was entranced, even if it was not his first time seeing the young man. Mingyu was quite a sight, and he was shining even more from a distance.

“Hi, I’m Kim Mingyu, a first year film student,” Mingyu said timidly. “I’m originally from Anyang. I like cooking and playing basketball. I developed a passion for photography and film when I was in middle school. I’m also an aspiring actor.” All eyes were fixed on Mingyu, and the boy was already running out of words to say. He felt a drop of sweat on his forehead. “Uh...I’m also fan of Makoto Shinkai’s works. That’s all. Please take care of me.”

Mingyu let out a sigh of relief and went back to his seat. “Nice introduction,” Wonwoo teased.

Mingyu let out a small laugh. “Stop it, hyung.” Wonwoo felt heart skip a beat. _He’s so cute._

  
The meeting went by without the hitch, and Seungcheol was able to wrap it up before 7 o’clock in the evening.

“You guys want to grab some samgyupsal? I have a promo card here!” Everyone screamed at Seungcheol’s announcement. There were two things that can make a Korean college student crazy, and one of those is samgyupsal.

“You guys coming? It’s gonna be fun!” Soonyoung asked the new members.

Mingyu shook his head. “Sorry, I have to be home by 8. My mom told me she’ll be coming to visit me at my place. Sorry again, sunbaes! I’ll make it up to all of you next time.”

Subtle expressions of regret appeared on everyone’s faces. Even Soonyoung felt sad. “Aw. It’s okay! Take care and see you next time!”

Luckily, Wonwoo was able to overhear this conversation, prompting him to make an important decision: to walk home with Mingyu, or to enjoy free samgyupsal? Wonwoo’s answer was as clear as day.

Soonyoung walked towards Wonwoo. “Hey, are you going?”

Wonwoo put on an innocent expression. “No, sorry...I have some errands to run, too.”

Soonyoung quickly squinted at Wonwoo. Soonyoung knew his friend was someone who did not run a lot of errands, and if he got asked to do so, he'll probably ask for a reprieve. Wonwoo saw how Soonyoung was looking at him and quickly put on a defensive expression. He didn’t want to be _that_ obvious. Soonyoung walked towards him and whispered close to his ear. “You sly bitch.” Soonyoung let out a quiet laugh. Wonwoo snickered in response to Soonyoung’s teasing. “Fuck off,” he said.

Soonyoung began to walk away and nodded at Wonwoo, who quickly shook his head in disbelief. _Fucking Kwon Soonyoung._

The crowd within the room dissipated one by one, full of souls who wanted samgyupsal. Within a few seconds, only Mingyu and Wonwoo were left inside the room, each preoccupied with fixing their own stuff.

“Hey, Mingyu. Where do you live?”

“Just a few blocks away from here, in Bongcheon-dong. It takes me around ten minutes to walk the entire distance.”

Wonwoo felt a slight tinge of relief; his place was fortunately situated within Bongcheon-dong as well. He smiled at the thought of walking together with Mingyu.

“Oh, cool. I live there, too. Let’s go?”

“Let’s go!” Their eyes sparked as they smiled at each other. Wonwoo felt the urge to look away; he felt too exposed, too vulnerable, and he was not used to other people looking at him intently. Nevertheless, he continued to fix his gaze on Mingyu, the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. Wonwoo felt it. His heart continued to beat rapidly, faster, for every second that passed.

Their walk home was peaceful; it was mostly quiet, although stories about their lives and overrode the silence occasionally.

“What made you want to study film?”

The corners of Mingyu’s lips lifted, forming a smile. Wonwoo felt amused. “Hmm. Have you watched 5 Centimeters Per Second?”

“Nope,” said Wonwoo. “The title seems familiar though.”

Mingyu nodded. “It’s a Japanese animated film by Makoto Shinkai. I watched it two years ago, and I think it’s the prettiest film I’ve ever watched. It’s animated, yes, but the way the film blended all those colors and emotions was so touching. I want to be able to recreate those colors in real life.”

“Wow.” Wonwoo was seriously amazed. “You’re so pure.”

“You have to watch it so you can understand!” Mingyu laughed.

Wonwoo laughed with him. An idea then popped in his head. “I would, if you watch it with me.”

Mingyu pouted as Wonwoo continued to laugh. Seeing that Mingyu didn’t respond to his request, he stopped walking and gently grabbed Mingyu’s arm. “Hey, I’m serious. I’m interested, but I also want to see the film with you.”

“...Are you asking me out on a date?”

Everything fell silent, as if they stopped breathing. Wonwoo definitely knew the answer to this question, and he wasn’t going to hesitate. “Yeah, I am.”

“...Okay. On Friday, my place, after five?”

Wonwoo smiled at Mingyu. “Okay. It’s a date, then.”

\---

  
Wonwoo slowly opened his eyes. The sun was already out there, flaunting his brightness. He tried to move, but he felt empty and weightless. It was that dream again; the one where he asked Mingyu out on their first date, the one where he felt he could conquer the world even when he was hopelessly awkward. Since the breakup, waking up to this dream wasn’t Wonwoo’s best morning, but he had had worse.

A few minutes later, he rose up from his bed and went straight to the kitchen. He made pancakes and coffee for himself only; Soonyoung was nowhere to be seen. He mindlessly finished his breakfast and then slowly drifted himself to the sofa. He checked the time on their wall-mounted clock. _12:56pm._ A few minutes before Mingyu’s show airs on the television again. The remote control was within his hand’s reach, but a part of him hesitated to grasp the device and turn the box on. He knew he was too weak to resist Mingyu, so did it anyway after a few seconds.

He saw the same faces, the same unfamiliar characters, the same music, just a bit of a change in scenario. He would laugh every now and then when the characters threw jokes at each other. Mingyu’s show was a family drama, and Wonwoo was starting to appreciate all these complex relationships among the characters. He suddenly missed his family in Changwon.

All of a sudden, Mingyu showed up. His scene for today’s episode was kind of short; he just fetched his younger brother from school and brought him home. But for Wonwoo, a few seconds of Mingyu was enough to destroy him and build up his hopes, all at the same time.

By the time Mingyu's scene was over, Wonwoo felt a burning sensation in his chest. He found it hard to breathe again, and without realizing it, tears fell from his eyes. He grasped his chest tightly; seeing Mingyu hurt him so much, he felt like a thousand needles were poking him all at once. He let out a scream, hoping it would relieve him of his pain. He screamed again, and again, but it still hurt. His eyes started to swell as his screams slowly turned into whimpers. He continued crying for an hour until he got tired, until his voice got too hoarse to even speak.

With the pillows still wet from his tears and the sofa severely disheveled, Wonwoo fell asleep.

\---

“You’re late.” Wonwoo tried his best to look indifferent. He knew he looked the best whenever he tries to put on that stern, cold expression of his.

“Sorry,” Mingyu said as he attempted to catch his breath. “Our professor dismissed us a few minutes late.” He paused again, still panting. “But...I’m here now, so we’re good.” Mingyu seemed unfazed by Wonwoo’s expression, much to the latter’s disappointment. But Wonwoo didn’t dwell on this; he had more important things to think about.

Just when he was trying to get over his thoughts, Mingyu touched Wonwoo’s hand, much to his surprise. “Let’s go?”

  
Wonwoo jolted in response to Mingyu’s touch; he wasn’t really prepared for something like this to happen so early. Mingyu took his hand away, stepped backward, his face sodden with a slight frown. Wonwoo panicked, but he tried his best not to show this. He then looked down, and for a few seconds, he thought carefully about what to do next. Before he slipped deep into his thoughts, he reached for Mingyu’s hand.

“I’m sorry, I got surprised,” Wonwoo laughed sheepishly “I like it. I like this,” he mused as he slowly slipped his hands into Mingyu’s. Their fingers were long and slender, everything fit perfectly together. Mingyu slowly lifted his eyes to Wonwoo’s face, only to find Wonwoo smiling at him brightly. If only they could make this moment last forever.

Mingyu slowly ushered Wonwoo into his place; it was a simple, one-bedroom apartment with a tiny kitchen, a table, a sofa, a bathroom, and a lamp. “Sit here, I’ll set up the movie,” Mingyu said to Wonwoo. The younger boy slowly faded into one of the rooms as Wonwoo stared at his back and his faint facade. He was really, truly falling in love with this man, and it was happening too fast. Wonwoo wanted to stand up and embrace him from the back, but he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stop himself if he did so. Before Wonwoo got lost inside his thoughts again, Mingyu emerged with a laptop and a pair of speakers.

“Hyung, can you take out one of the chairs for me?”

“Sure.”

Wonwoo inched closer to Mingyu as he assisted him in setting up the laptop. He caught Mingyu’s scent again, still fascinated by how a man can smell this good. He closed his eyes as he tried his best to remember that scent and that moment.

“Hey, Wonwoo hyung? Are you okay? Are you sleeping?” Mingyu let out a small laugh.

Wonwoo quickly opened his eyes. “...No!” Embarrassed, he turned around and bit his lips. _What the hell was I doing?_ Mingyu laughed a bit more, and slowly reached for Wonwoo’s arm.

“Hyung. You don’t have to be shy around me,” he said as he touched Wonwoo’s palm. “Let’s watch. I really hope you’ll like this one.” Mingyu and Wonwoo sat down on the floor side-by-side, both unfazed by the coldness of the floor. They held hands; Wonwoo felt awkward at first as he felt Mingyu’s soft palms. He prayed to all gods for his palms not to sweat.

Wonwoo tried to take his mind off the attractive boy sitting beside him. He would cast his gaze on Mingyu every now and then, surprised by how fixated his crush was on the film. He decided to let go of his thoughts as he stared intently into the laptop’s screen.

It didn’t take Wonwoo ten minutes to be fully engrossed into this movie. It was beautiful in all sorts of ways; the animation flowed smoothly and he was very much intrigued and mesmerized by the characters and the story. He found himself smiling, also oftentimes perplexed by all those moments that felt like missed opportunities. Wonwoo was curious as to how all these conflicts would be resolved. He wondered how painful it would be to just drift away from that one person you loved so much.

Then came the third act of the film. Wonwoo felt like he got punched in the gut. He cried as the last song played, amid all those scenes that recollected the experience of the two characters. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply to stop himself from crying.

Mingyu moved to stare at Wonwoo’s face. “Hey. You okay?”

Wonwoo nodded, as more tears fell from his face. He began to tremble as he sobbed. Mingyu, surprised and worried, wrapped his hands around Wonwoo and hushed for him to calm down.

“Hey, hey...I’m right here. Don’t cry.” But Wonwoo wouldn’t stop crying. Mingyu continued to hold him, closer this time, that Wonwoo could hear Mingyu’s heartbeat. He loved this, he loved every second of this, he wanted to carve the silhouette of Mingyu’s entire facade into his mind. It just happened that it was one of the most beautiful films Wonwoo had ever watched, to the point that he can't stop crying. 

Mingyu then said something that made Wonwoo’s tears stop. “I’m here, and I won’t hurt you.”

Wonwoo lifted his gaze and looked at Mingyu. He was fascinated at how Mingyu’s eyes glistened against the darkness of the room they’re in.

“Hyung...I think I like you. A lot.”

Wonwoo’s eyes widened. He never thought Mingyu liked him like this. Sure, he was sweet and he held Wonwoo’s hands, but Wonwoo felt like those gestures did not equate to anything much. He also felt things were happening a bit too fast, their relationship could end up like a candle consumed by the flame. Nevertheless, he began to move his hands to Mingyu’s cheeks, trying to assess if the situation arising in front of him was real or a product of his delusions.

“I--”

It all happened within a span of a few seconds, but Wonwoo felt as if everything lasted a moment longer. Mingyu moved closer to Wonwoo’s face, both of them refusing to blink. He slowly put his hands on the back of Wonwoo’s neck and kissed his lips. Gently at first, Wonwoo closed his eyes and kissed Mingyu back. He began to use his tongue, hoping that Mingyu won’t be surprised. Mingyu responded as he slipped his tongue into Wonwoo’s mouth, seemingly exploring all the corners of his tongue and lips.

Mingyu slowly broke off from the kiss as he stared at Wonwoo, his hands still at the back of the older boy’s nape. “Wow. I never expected that you’re a great kisser. You don’t look like the type.”

Wonwoo laughed. “You don’t look like the type either.”

Both of them didn’t even notice how late it was as they talked about each other for hours; they opened up about their favorites, their pet peeves, their hobbies, the causes of their anxieties. It was all perfect, it was all beautiful. But it wouldn’t last.

If only Wonwoo knew from the start that it wouldn’t last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Call me a crybaby, but really I cried myself to death after I watched 5 Centimeters per Second for the first time back in 2013/2014. It just hurt me a lot, plus I had a falling out with a person I loved very much back then. Writing Wonwoo like this made me remember that time, except that our reasons for crying are kinda different. HAHA. 
> 
> I'm also planning to include more mature content for the next chapter, which will probably be uploaded God knows when. I'm still not fully done with uni huhu.

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: it's been a reaaaaally long time since I last wrote a fic, but i'm trying to channel my emotions for this cause. hope you guys enjoy this. it's gonna be chaptered, though i still don't know how many chapters there will be. 
> 
> ping me up!!!!! kinda new to ao3 as a writer HAHAHAHA 
> 
> twitter: @wonwewz


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